I’ve been married 4 whole months today!! I told one of my students this and he literally applauded me and gave me a pat on the back saying he was so proud of me. Ha!
Caleb and I have known each other for over 5 years and every day I learn something I never knew. Having not lived together until after we were married, I have learned so many new things that I NEVER knew before saying “I do”. By talking with some of my married friends…I’ve found the wives seem to have a lot of these revelations in common…
I have learned:
One. Sinks have beards too! No matter how long I (or he) will clean the sink, little beard hairs are still popping up. No way could my man have that much beard hair. Obviously the sink is alive.
Two. Dishes are Tetras. TETRAS I SAY! I have now turned the dishes into my own game of Tetras due to the fact that our dishwasher was made for people who wash dishes by hand. Yes. Let that sink in.
Three. To “read the cuddle signs”…Yes guys. There are cuddle signs when newly sleeping with your spouse. Did you know this? I’m calling it “Cuddle Caution”. Not sure if your mate’s in the cuddle mood? Use these Cuddle Caution tips to woo him into cuddling….
- Snoring – This is NOT a sign. (I just had to throw it in here real quick) Snoring equals deep sleep which equals failed snuggles. Why? Accidental startle when attempting cuddle which leads to grumpy awkward awake-ness.
- Also, know if your spouse is a middle of the night cuddler or not…we found this out quickly.. I am not. I always thought I would be but apparently I “shoo” him in my sleep. Ooops?
- 1. The “I’m cold hold me” cuddle – Cold spouse uses this line in order to turn un-cold (totally a word) spouse into a mini heater. Boom. Cuddling. Then bat your eyes. Who could say no to that?!
- 2. The Footsie. Take your cute little toes and lightly touch your spouse. Unless your spouse hates feet. Then pretend you’re footsie-ing in your sleep so things don’t get weird.
- 3. The..”You’re hogging the covers” cuddle.. where you stretch over your spouse to grab the covers but oops! Your arm falls limp and it’s snuggle city.
- 4. Finally, the attack cuddle. You know. When spouse isn’t expecting it and you attack. I’m talking full blow jump on them, arms wrapped so tight, straight jacked cuddle. Totally normal.
- When all else fails, proceed with Cuddle Caution.
Four. To always know where my husband is within the house at all times. Otherwise, I’ll think the house is getting broken into, lock myself in the bathroom with a kitchen knife, and dial 911. Not like that’s happened. I’m just sayin’…
Five. When I walk into the bathroom and it smells like a prostitute …I know what just happened in there, buddy. But thanks for covering the evidence. It’s like it never happened!!! high fives!
Six. We like to see exactly how high we can pile our dishes in the sink until we wash them. In our tiny dishwasher no less. We’ve gotten pretty high. There should be an award for this.
Seven. We subconsciously see how long it will take the other to turn off their alarm in the morning. I lose. Every. Time. Caleb could sleep through WWIII. But he can’t sleep through my foot tapping his leg. WIth force.
Eight. Video games are his bubble baths. Stay with me here. Ladies, you know that feeling you have when you hop into the most beautiful bubble bath ever made? Huge, puffy bubbles, scented like a garden of fresh roses? Yep. That’s the rush he gets when playing a video game. I think. Caleb nods
Nine. Laundry is the equivalent of a newlywed toot. You don’t want to do it, but it’s bound to happen.
Ten. Which leads me to newlywed toots. I gambled and I lost. That’s that.
When you say your vows, you promise to guide each other and love each other through sickness and in health. But it’s these quirky things that bring you even closer together.
What are some things you have learned as a newlywed?